dksm: (Chucks)
[personal profile] dksm
I feel like I have to write this somewhere. I doubt anyone still reads this LJ since I don't update it anymore. But here goes.

Almost four years ago, I had just helped win a Presidential campaign (awesome), was unemployed (not awesome) and bored. A guy friend and I went to the movies and saw Twilight. It was entertaining, I liked the actors but it wasn't my like favorite thing ever. However, I really, really loved a song they played in it. A song I googled when I got home and found out was actually sung by Rob Pattinson. Googling more Rob songs led to stumbling upon the Vanity Fair shoot..and well a shipper was born. Probably didn't hurt that I had a lot of time on my hands to pursue that hobby.

I'm not really here to talk about that history, just that when I first was around, I liked Rob more. I paid attention to him more (he was my unemployment role model, remember?). But that next summer, I became a fan of Kristen and no longer just because she was dating Rob. I related to her awkwardness in public situations. I related to not always saying the right thing. I admired her audacity to be herself. And I admired her stance on her privacy.

Which is why two days ago was the biggest WTF in history. I don't get it, you don't get, none of us get it. But I don't think we are supposed to. I doubt SHE really gets it. But here is the thing...the thing that surprised even me. I still am still going to be a fan of Kristen Stewart.

Yes I'm disappointed and pissed and feel like she maybe ruined a lot of things. But fuck...she ruined a lot of her own things. Real people that are in her life are way more disappointed and pissed than I (or any fan) could ever be. But at the end of the day, as a fan I have to realize that real people are not perfect (and hopefully the people that know her also realize this). Real people make mistakes. And as much as we may have thought her perfect, Kristen Stewart is a real person. A 22 year old girl who has an enormous amount of pressure on her, her relationship, her career. And maybe something had to give...and that is where she cracked. I really don't think it is my business to know the full reason. That is for her and Rob and for others in her life to know.

I've been lucky to never be cheated on, nor have I ever cheated on someone, so maybe that would change my opinion. But I actually hope it would not, because people make mistakes everyday. And if we just turned our backs on people when they fuck up, there would be no people around us. I know I fucked up a time or two when I was 22, who hasn't. I have fucked up a time or two now..and I'm 30. To err is human.

Her statement on the situation was unpolished, had nothing to do with her career, and was incredibly open. It wasn't an apology to me. It wasn't an apology to you. It was pretty much and apology to the only person that really needed and deserved one at that moment. It only made me hope that she understands her actions have consequences and that she is taking the steps to fix them. And I honestly hope that her and Rob can work past this because even now I think that what they have can make it. Love is messy and hard and it isn't fucking like the movies.

But at the end of the day, if they part ways. I'm still going to cheer both of them on. And my heart will kind of break for both of them. But more than anything I hope that that amazing girl who was so real and made me love her as a fan, I hope she comes back. Maybe a little more world weary, maybe a little less outspoken, and hopefully wiser and mature...but I hope she's still in there. Because I miss her already.

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July 2012

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